The Love Story of Yia & Cher Xong

QUICK INTRO

My beloved aunt passed away from COVID-19 and her funeral was held in a different state. If you've ever attended a funeral, you'll understand that it gets you thinking about life. So during our 10+ hour car ride, my older sister asked my mom to tell us the story of how her parents got together. (Hence, why the audio is off.)

I’ve been wanting to preserve these kind of stories from our Hmong elders. I hope that one day our children can access these videos and understand the story, so I translated the story and added footnotes to help understand any cultural barriers.

This video is dedicated to my grandparents who are now together in heaven.

F O O T N O T E S

[1] DISCLAIMER: By no means are we saying that East Indians aren’t beautiful. As fans of Bollywood, we know this couldn’t be further from the truth. These are words said to my mom and she is recounting the story. Also important to note that this story dates back to the 1940s - 1960s.

[2] BRIDE CAPTURE: Because Hmong women were seen as dispensable they risk returning home with a tarnished reputation for themselves and their family. Their dowry price lowers and risks never remarrying into a good family. The man (kidnapper) typically offers a huge dowry as well, enticing many poor families to go through with the marriage. Many Hmong women end up staying in these marriages through force and Stockholm syndrome. Unfortunately, this archaic custom still exists in some countries.

[3] CLANS: Hmong folks operate in a patriarchy and are run by your clan (typically your surname). As shamans, your spirit and well-being are taken care of by your clan. When a woman marries, she marries into a new clan and leaves her current one. Without a man or a clan, she will have no one to take care of her physically and spiritually.

[4] FARM: Hmong Lao folks are typically self-sufficient. They hunt, farm and gather their own food. Farming was a necessary part of life there.

[5] HMONG CLOTHES: When my parents were kids they were already wearing more modern clothes likes t-shirts and jeans. Stating that my grandma wore Hmong clothes meant that this is an old story dating further back.

[6] JUNGLE: My grandma avoided people, because they would most likely be from her kidnapper’s village. If seen, they will force her to return or tell her kidnapper. The jungles in Laos are infested with wild animals like tigers. One must always have a weapon or keep a constant eye on your surroundings. The fact that my grandma ran into the jungle shows how desperate she was in that situation.

[7] TURBAN: Nowadays, we have fashioned these turban headpieces into a hat. We see them constantly without ever realizing that these hats were once worn as actual turbans. This refers back to how old this story is.

[8] SISTER’S HUSBAND: My grandma unfortunately can’t just run away and live on her own. Again, she had no money or earnings. She had to run to another man to get help. Particularly, someone who has higher power.

[9] DIVORCE: For awhile this was considered taboo in the Hmong culture, specifically for the women. A divorced women is considered to be of lower value and undesirable. Some families will even reject their own daughters for returning as they are no longer sheltering her spirit. Many clans will also rush their divorced daughters to remarry quickly to save face.

[10] DOWRY: In Hmong culture, daughters have a dowry. Which means that a man and his clan must pay for their bride. Which reiterates that this man and his clan now owns their daughter. If desperate, poor families are willing to sell their daughters to the highest bidder regardless of their daughter’s decision. The thought around a dowry stems from the idea that a man and his clan must truly love and commit to the wellbeing of their daughter by paying a price.

[11] LOAN: Hmong Lao folks were considered to be very poor. Back then, there were no banks and all money was kept in their homes. Taking out a loan meant you had to beg people in town to lend you money. Which is difficult when the people are poor as well. Lending money was an act of pity and trust.

[12] PIG/CHICKEN: Hmong Shamanism typically involves the sacrifice of an animal (typically Cow, Pig or Chicken) to please the spirits. Back then, this also signifies wealth or worthiness as animals were scarce and butchering was labor intensive. Many special occasions will involve the sacrifice of an animal. There is also a common wedding custom in which a live chicken is carried around a bride and groom to marry them. This would be more of a ‘drive-thru’ style of marriage as it goes quickly.

[13] PAYMENT: This gesture was seen as the ultimate act of love. Many Hmong folks were poor and so paying off someone’s debt is a huge act of generosity. Not just that, but this debt was towards his bride’s dowry from a previous marriage. My grandpa, a single/young/handsome rich man, chose to marry my grandma, a divorced and disgraced woman (from societal standpoint, not my own).

[14] POLYAMOROUS: Hmong culture is patriarchal, thus the men (and only the men) are allowed to have multiple wives.

[15] BROTHERS: Because of the Hmong patriarchy and being self-sufficient, having a lot of brothers was associated with having a lot of wealth. You have a lot of boys who can hunt/farm and take care of their clansmen.

Please comment below if you have any additional footnotes to add to the video.