Why you should take yourself on a date.

But I have no one to go with.

When I first broke up with my boyfriend, I realized I stopped going out very often. When I did go out, it was always with friends. Then when I moved away for work, I had no one to go on dates with. I couldn't try out restaurants, see new movies, go to events, etc. I couldn't do these things alone, because going out alone would be *whispers* embarrassing.

(My solo date to The Adler Planetarium in Chicago)

What my parents failed to tell me is that with age, you eventually lose interest in being 'normal.' Like my Dad wearing my Mom's old girly shirt to change car oil. At the time, I remember being so embarrassed for him, but my Dad didn't want his shirts getting dirty. He never even blushed, straight up DID. NOT. CARE. As a 29 year old adult, I just want to clarify that I'm here for my Dad's secure masculinity and that I fully support any gender wearing whatever they want. What I learned from this was that "being normal is vastly overrated" and that it is entirely impossible to commit 100% to the standards of society.

As a young adult, I was under the impression that dates were reserved only for couples or groups. It didn't help that I had family and friends who insist that this is a societal norm, but they all had boyfriends, friends and family nearby to go on dates. Living alone and having to build new friendships...

I wasted so much time passing up on the enjoyments of life, because I was too embarrassed to do it alone.

So I started taking myself on dates. I started eating at restaurants alone, watching movies alone, going to museums alone... and it has been oh so delightful.

Baby Steps

The first time I ever went on a solo date, it was to see a movie. For awhile, I had to painstakingly wait for movies to be released to rent. Needless to say, my patience eventually gave out.

If you want a baby step in dating yourself, I recommend starting with movies. You sit in the dark silence for roughly 2 hours and everyone is focused on the movie. Movies are arguably better alone, in my opinion. Typically, my friends/family and I buy snacks at the gas station and then struggle to find seats together on the evening of weekends.

(photo credit: Melissa Wanke)

When I go to the movies alone, I always book a matinee. Matinees are cheaper, less crowded and you never have to worry about seating arrangement. I buy a small bag of popcorn and soda, because I deserve the best. I also unashamedly bring my movie blanket. My sister always laughs when I bring my movie blanket, but once we settle in she always wants me to share.

Normalize bringing blankets to movie theaters. It's always cold and we all know that movie theaters have ghosts.

Literally, no one cares. So just do it.

(photo credit: Marissa Ashlyn Gillette)

I once witnessed an older heavy-set white man in his boxers riding his motorcycle through the downtown streets of Madison, WI. If he can have the balls to do that, you can go try out that new restaurant.

My first solo dining experience was in my hometown of Sheboygan, WI. I was leaving that morning and everyone I knew was at work. I wanted a good breakfast meal before I left. So I decided to stop by the beloved Sheboygan's Family Restaurant. It was packed and there was a long line of families waiting to be seated. Regardless, I go up to the host and tell them that I'm dining alone. The host immediately seats me (like I'm a celebrity or something, lol. (j/k I know it's cause I'm alone)). I am seated at a bar table next to an older man who's reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. I read my book and drink my water. My order is quick, because I didn't have to wait for anyone. I eat much quicker, because there's no conversation. I finish, tip and prepare myself for an hour drive back to Milwaukee.

Literally, no one cared that I was dining alone. No one pointed and laughed. If anything, I got special treatment, because I wasn't with a group. And it was wonderful.

(How I felt getting seated first, lol.

But actually, this was a mini solo date. There was a Game of Thrones pop up near my workplace. Photo credit to the kind stranger in line with me.)

So what did I learn from solo dates?

There are so many pros that come with taking yourself out on a date:

1. Time is of your essence. After 10+ years, my friends and I are still trying to schedule an all girls' trip. Solo dates are often more manageable and spontaneous.

2. Wait times are often shorter or nonexistent, because you don't need a seating arrangement.

3. Cheaper, I often find that solo dates are cheaper. You're not coerced into doing something you weren't originally planning. And I typically go out when I know there is some type of bargain (i.e. Chicago's free days at the museum.)

4. Peace of Mind. There is a an eerie peace of mind knowing that no one is going to kill your vibe. You're doing what you want today. You want to spend 30 minutes looking at the cute penguins at the zoo? Comb through the entire thrift store? Eat that entire large pizza? No one's judging you.

5. Appreciation. I find much more appreciation in my solo dates. In the food I eat, in the movie I watch, in the museums I go to. I'm more focused on the taste, the visuals, the experience overall. I'm not there to talk to a friend, I'm there to enjoy the actual activities that I'm doing.

Now, solo dates aren't perfect. They definitely do have cons as well. The only two I found are:

1. You have no one to goof off with. I often find myself more 'serious' when on solo dates, because I can only laugh at so many of my own jokes.

2. There's no one to take your photo when needed. Now you can always ask someone and I can assure you that these strangers never say no, especially couples. I always do the "Here, let me take your photo for you guys." And then after "Can you take one of me?" Works. Every. Time.

And while I want us to normalize bringing blankets to the movie theater, I also want us to normalize going on solo dates. A solo date is the best kind of selfish care your soul needs. It is recognizing your needs and enjoyment and then fulfilling it in secret jubilation. And like I stated previously, don't waste the fun you could be having by being too embarrassed to do it alone.

Because how do you expect someone to enjoy your company when you, yourself can't?